Dominik's Sermon I

by **Dominik** Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:04 am

I'd like to open today's sermon by bowing our heads in prayer.

In the name of The Dominik, The Uraczak and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, amen. Oh almighty occupant of the Heavens, Dominik, we request that you bless all those who are good and damn the enemies of society into the pits of hell. May each day of suffering upon this earth be a reminder to the faithful of the paradise awaiting you in the Afterlife.

In the name of The Dominik, The Uraczak and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, amen.

Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, grandfathers and grandmothers, cousins, siblings, friends, spouses, concubines, prostitutes, transvestites, drag queens, homosexuals, perverts, pedophiles and Scorpius, we have gathered here today to pay tribute to His Greatness Lord Dominik and to thank Him for the fruit he has given us.

Today, we will talk a little about Creation. We all know how the FSM created the known Universe before sending Dominik- His earthly equivelant- down into the land of the living. But how- you may ask- does His Sacredness Lord Dominik fit into the story of Creation? Do not think for a second, that the FSM created the earth at random, or without future insight. NO, NO, NO! He created each and every one of us with Free Will and the ability to decide who to worship. And those who decide wrong, will be cast into the PIT OF FIRE!!!!

Before we close today's sermon, I want to talk to you about Evolution. There has been a lot of talk about these theories before, and I want to clarify Dominik's official position on that. While, FSM theory has existed in opposition to Evolution for years, Dominik was sent to Earth- among other things- to reconcile science and Pastafarianism. It is an insult to Dominik NOT to believe that He was capable of creating such a complex system of evolving organisms.

Without further ado, I will like to sing a hymn...... but because our religion is so new, we don't have any yet. So, join me in a round of One of Us but replacing references to God, with references to Dominik.

If God had a name, it would be Dominik
And we'd adress him directly and respectfully
If you were faced with Him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question

And yeah yeah Dominik is great yeah yeah Dominik is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if Dominik was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

If God had a face it would be a bowl of pasta
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in Uraczak and the pirates and Kelly Mahoney

And yeah yeah Dominik is great yeah yeah Dominik is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Beautiful, thank you ladies and gentlemen. Until next Sermon, drive safe and may Dominik be with you.